Part 1
There's a lot I could say about my last relationship but I lot I won't publicly share - this story belongs to 2 people.
I will, however, tell you my version of events whilst leaving out the most personal details.
I first met Jason* in April, shortly after my 20th birthday. We got on straight away, we were both former chefs, liked the same music, films and silly YouTube videos. ("Oh no, I'm trapped in a ball of water!" If you understand this reference I will reward you with love and baked goods.) We chatted back and forth for a little while before arranging to meet (in a public place, calm down people, sensible is my middle name - shut up Craig!) We were blethering away while we waited on a train and it was all totally comfortable, I know it's cliché but, I felt like I'd known him years. We went back to his parents' house and watched LOTR. Well the first one and half of the second. Sounds silly but it was just so relaxed and nice. We joked about how the 3 movies could have been rewritten and done in 20 minutes. He had the exact same theory as me - the giant birds, anyone? - and could already finish my sentences. Call me foolish (and believe me, I do, everyday) but I fell pretty quickly.
We spoke most days on the phone. Just hearing his voice made me smile.
Fast forward a few weeks, we'd been chatting, as you do, and he'd told me about his life; he'd been in a car accident and his car was in for repairs, he'd bought a flat in Edinburgh and was getting ready to move just as soon as it had been checked over etc. Lots of little things like that as well as some personal things.
Eventually, after a few "dates" we became an official couple. I was so happy, he was lovely. He was probably the first boyfriend I'd ever really opened up to.
As my boyfriend, Jason had to meet my friends. We went for a wee night out so everyone could meet each other.
Long story short: they didn't like him. At all.
Jason stayed at my house that night (he lived in Fife and had missed the last train home).
The next day we watched films and ate Chinese food. It was so relaxed and not like anything I'd ever had before.
Jason had to go home so I walked him to the bus stop. Whilst we were waiting at the bus stop, he got a phonecall from his Mum telling him that his Dad and her had had a fight. A fight that had ended in violence.
Obviously I wasn't going to let him to back to that so I said he could stay with me for a couple of days until things had settled down.
When he went home they were still fighting. He stayed at a friend's house for a day then came back to my house. This all happened within a month of us dating.
I had surgery at the end of May. Not serious surgery but still relatively stressful surgery. When I got home, I discovered a present waiting for me. Jason had gone into town and bought me a t-shirt I had liked for ages but couldn't afford. It's a small gesture to some people but it's the nicest thing any guy has ever done for me and it still makes me smile to this day. He looked after me for a whole week. (Quick point - previously, I dated someone who told me I wasn't "allowed" to talk about how ill I was feeling or "go on about" being in pain.)
We did the "I love you" thing far too quickly. Those 3 words only ever lead to disaster.
Summer passed. It was pretty manic. Jason's Grandmother passed away. She lived in a 3 storey farm house in England. She had left Jason the house and the 3 acres of land surrounding it. The land was valued at £20million. Companies started bidding for the land. Jason told the family lawyer to accept one company's offer of £30million. (There are a lot of details her that I won't divulge, they aren't necessary for my story and some are quite personal. Plus, I'm trying to keep this short for the poor sod who actually reads this!)
Basically, lots of phonecalls with the lawyer, lots of talking, lots of promises. We opened a joint account and started looking for somewhere of our own.
Yes, you could have argued it was too soon but it's very easy to get caught up in the excitement of it all.
Jason told my Mother than she could quit her job and would never have to work again. We went on house viewings and I packed up most of my things ready to move.
Something went wrong. Jason's Mum was sick. It was terminal. He had to go down to England right away to see her.
There are many ins and outs as to why I didn't go down that are too complicated to go into.
Jason left for England. That was the last I heard of him for 3 days.
I had no idea what was going on. I was worried something had happened but part of my mind had begun to question things. The seed of doubt had been sown. I wanted answers.
I tried to find a phone number for the house I thought he was staying at. I had to get my Mum to phone because I was too nervous. She phoned the number. Jason's Grandmother answered. My world crumbled.
The rest of that day is pretty hazy but to sum it up; nothing was true. His Grandmother was still alive and well, as was his Mother. The relationship between his parents was better than ever - there was never a fight or any violence. He didn't own a car or a flat in Edinburgh.
It's a strange feeling, knowing you've been fooled. Nothing in my life will ever compare to the humiliation of that day. (I'm sure there's time for that to happen though!)
I chatted to Jason for a few hours that day. He explained what had caused this to happen and how it was going to be dealt with. Rather, he threw a pretty half-assed cop out of excuses at me until I eventually got the truth out of him.
The reasons behind his behaviour seemed plausible to me. I believed his explanation and we decided to remain friends - having never connected with someone on that level before, I was clutching at straws, desperate not to lose something my lovestruck mind told me could be saved.
A month passed. Jason had started a method of treatment which seemed to be helping. We spoke nearly everyday. I basically became his support network. Big mistake on my part.
We pretty much started seeing each other again, although nothing was "official." It wasn't the same, how could it be?
***
Part 2 coming up next: Still I have trouble with most days and nights.
*Name has been changed
[Today's title is from "The Dilemma" by You Me at Six]
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